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All Deviations
All Deviations


Hidden in the cracks of your broken promises
Your true colors sweep through like a waking sun
Staining the sky bloody red-faithless
(Truth fades, love bleeds)

Peircing words knell in my head like a clarion cry
Every sound you speak defiles my heart
Resonating notes of countless lies
(speak no more, you've said enough)

~(CHORUS)~
Your heart grows- so cold and heavy
I'm much too weak to hold on now
Trembling- i lose my balance
Time shatters on the ground

-im letting go
-ive learned too much

Memories decay in the sands of the hourglass
Your not the same person I used to know
Looking Away, I let go of the past
(Youre just a stranger in my eyes)

A year breaks off of our future
Endlessly falling into obscurity
There's no need to speak any longer
(It's obvious that you never cared)

Your heart grows- so cold and heavy
Im much too weak to hold on now
Trembling- i lose my balance
time shatters on the ground

-Im letting go
-I know too much about you
©2004-2008 ~nocturnal-instincts
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Submitted: September 20, 2004
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Comments: 7
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Author's Comments

im proud of the beginning but it tends to slack off on creativity towards the end. hope ya likes :) thanks for veiwing ;) feel free to share your comments on any of my writings.
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~izy69:iconizy69: Sep 20, 2004, 6:39:06 PM
Wow, i really do like this.
With a few repeats of the chorus, i could actually see this as a song, similar to the style of "the streets- dry your eyes"... I really do like it.
I think the ending fits in perfectly with the other all feel of the poem, and i like how it is repeated lines, with just a tad added onto the end. IT does reinforce the idea, of why you're letting go.
I think this is a piece to be truely proud of. I don't know how in heck you could improve it, so therefore, no critique, sorry.
But well done
:hug:
izy

--
*iZy
"suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem"
:hump: i'll be the green one, if you'll be the orange o
~stat:iconstat: Sep 20, 2004, 8:05:15 PM
Blah. I love the poem, it is truly beautiful, and very well said, it is awesome! I can't critique that, but I hope its not related to what im thinking :( If it is, that's okay, because everything is good now! Right? Anywho, very beautiful poem, I dont see how you piece your words together and make it sound so perfect. I really like the line "Your true colors sweep through like a waking sun"... good stuff, no cliches, original subject. 10/10 =)
nice job baby, keep up the good work

love always,
mike.

--
Check mah gallery...
~nocturnal-instincts:iconnocturnal-instincts: Sep 21, 2004, 4:43:13 AM
YeAh!!! someone has commented me! its been forever!lol! i really appriciate it. :worship: i thought about adding more on to the poem but i cant think of anything! hopefully something will come to me soon. thanks again :hug:
~nocturnal-instincts:iconnocturnal-instincts: Sep 21, 2004, 4:59:52 AM
thanks hun! youre too nice. and yes everything is good between us now. i still havent gotten your email yet though... love you

your bitch
miranda

ps. had a good "band practice" last night?lol!
~izy69:iconizy69: Sep 21, 2004, 5:01:21 AM
I really like it how it is.
But, feel free, to add as you will.
:hug:
been too long.
izy

--
*iZy
"suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem"
:hump: i'll be the green one, if you'll be the orange o
~quetiapine:iconquetiapine: Sep 22, 2004, 6:53:35 PM
nice peice... i like this alot

--
'Staring down the barrel of a hot metal 45
just another way to survive'

Dani California
RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS